Note: Funny Bone

We've heard of a funny bone, but what about having funny in your bones.

Do you think you are capable of being funny?

M'Lady

"Memories light the corners of my mind..."

Does anyone else have Master of the House stuck in their head now?

See No Children, Hear No Children, Speak No Children

Not be judgy (except this whole blog is about passing judgment), but why even have kids - at this point would you even be aware they actually exist?

To Put It Mildly

In a business where image expectations constantly have me shaking my head, I'm caught off guard when a character breakdown actually baffles me.

"mildly attractive"

What? So, not hideous? Normal-ish? To be mildly attractive, you are attractive, but not really? Or you aren't quite ugly? I'm confused.

Salsa and weather forecasts are described with mild, not someone's appeal.

Leave Me Alone

I've always wanted to live in Switzerland.

Lucerne, Switzerland - Travel + Leisure

Baa

I feel like they should have put the quotation marks around "Talent"/'Talent' instead of sheep.

By the way, no pay for ewe.

Old MacDonald of New York

That "exotic pet" better be a tiger, an alligator, or a python if you expect to call yourself a real New Yorker.

But seriously, does the hamster really need to be walked?

Morning, Sunshine!

If you want your teenage daughter to hate you, definitely do this:

I actually considered looking into this job - mostly for the play-with-my-collie-in-the-park aspect, but to tell you the truth, I'm still like a teenager myself when it comes to getting up in the morning. So this one wasn't for me.

What would be your waking up a teenager method?

Seamless Service

It continues to fascinate me how many live-in household manager positions are posted on job search sites. Are there really that many Downton Abbeys in NYC? And why are they always located on the Upper East Side? At least this crazy-long list of responsibilities is the expected workload for two people. I've seen the same sort of write-ups intended for one superhuman (and underpaid) individual. I will say, the pay scale associated with this is somewhat decent (I guess, for giving up your entire life/relationship...?)

JOB DESCRIPTION

Private and sophisticated family seeks an experienced Live-In Domestic Couple to assist in managing and overseeing their large Upper East Side residence on a full time schedule, Monday mornings, beginning at 5am through Saturday midday. The Domestic Couple position will be responsible for various tasks both inside and outside the household, including house cleaning and maintenance, and overall upkeep, with additional tasks as needed. This position requires a couple that is great with Glatt Kosher cooking, a commercial kitchen which can feed extremely large and frequent dinner parties, and an extremely flexible, organized and diligent couple able and willing to work in a child-friendly household.

Responsibilities include, but are not limited to:

• Managing and providing full-time care and protection for the family’s Upper East Side residence
• Coordinating maintenance for the home’s amenities
• Cooking family style meals for the family and their grandchildren with a focus on healthy, fresh food
• Serving meals as needed and providing formal service upon request
• Bartending for the family and monitoring the wine cellar; wiling and able to keep a wine log
• Driving the family and children to and from appointments, classes, engagements, airports, etc.
• Purchasing and arranging flowers within the home
• Full laundry duties for the entire family including washing, ironing, steaming, closet organization, managing a list of garments that have been sent out for professional service, etc.
• Packing and unpacking for travel
• Heavy organization throughout the home including pantries, kitchen, closets, etc.
• Museum quality cleaning throughout the home with attention to bedrooms, special surfaces and bathrooms; maintaining cleanliness of the children’s rooms, etc.
• Additional tasks and responsibilities as needed or upon request

JOB REQUIREMENTS

• Excellent command of the English language; Spanish a MAJOR PLUS
• Minimum 5 - 10+ years related professional experience serving as a Domestic Couple for a private family
• Strong housekeeping experience, including care of antiques and special surfaces
• Strong laundry abilities including ironing, steaming, closet organization and maintenance, etc.
• Strong property management skills including maintenance, carpentry, handyman/houseman skills and landscaping
• Wine knowledge and ability to perform formal service, as well as bartending
• Able to multi-task & work in a fast paced environment; must understand the importance of overriding confidentiality at all times
• Energetic and positive with a “can do” attitude; willing and able to accomplish any task, large or small
• Strong Kosher cooking skills with an emphasis on fresh, healthy and seasonally-based meals
• Flexible in scheduling; ok to work both long hours and overtime as needed
• Valid Drivers Licenses ; confident drivers with zero points,
• Valid Passports; willing and able to travel with the family to their secondary residences, as well as domestic and abroad/internationally so as to provide seamless service
• Legally able to work in the United States

Admittedly, I have a lot of questions. Top Five being:

1) How is this couple supposed to accomplish the above when they are also the chauffeurs for the family AND children?

2) What are these "special surfaces" they keep referring to?

3) Landscaping too? Come on!

4) It must be a little awkward on your 1.5 day off a week. Do you just hole up in your servant's quarters with a Do Not Disturb sign? Or are you allowed to sneak down to the kitchen for a snack and an episode of Vanderpump Rules?

5) Aren't they already working overtime as written?